Panic and Fear
Tonite, I was lying in bed, reading my blogposts and essays from others who inspire me — , Joshua Millburn and Ryan Nicodemeus, Everett Bogue, and Tammy Strobel to be exact — and I started to experience this wild sensation of terror come over me. After I posted about selling my favorite coat, I have really started taking bigger and badder strides in my quest to get rid of my posessions. More an more things have been going up on Kijiji. I haven’t had a whole lot of success yet with my sales of items. But the reality of it started to sink in.
Oh my god. I’m actualy trying to sell my stuff. I am actually doing this.
It was a ripple of fear that started in my head and shivered through me, down to my toes. I haven’t been this scared since I tried to decide what I wanted to do at school.
I believe wholeheartedly that I am doing the right thing. Michael has been very supportive, thankfully, and I am loving the hunt but seriously, the reality of my actions are starting to come alive. I am doing it. I am selling my possessions and trying to gain a simpler, more priority-driven life.
And it is scaring the beJeebus out of me.
I question, however: why am I afraid? What is there to be scared of? Why am I upset? Is it because I love these things? That’s foolish! You can’t love inanimate objects. They don’t have feelings or emotions. They aren’t special. If there’s one, chances are good there’s more out there somewhere. There is not really that many “one of a kind” items in this world.
“What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.”
~ Ecclesiastes 1:9
What else could it be then? Is it the fact that these are my favorites? My favorite movies, my favorite clothes, my favorite memories? If they are truly favorites, why do I not use them more often? I haven’t watched these movies, listened to this music, or worn these clothes in months! Years! How can I call that a favorite?
When you look up “favorite” in the Bible, you will see that it isn’t applied to items, but people! Rachel was Jacob’s favorite wife, and Joseph was his favorite son. The Woman in Song of Solomon is her mother’s favorite. David is Saul’s favorite servant. Nowhere do you see something about “Peter’s favorite fishing rod” or “Moses’ favorite staff”. That should speak volumes a to how we view our families, friends and possessions. Do we truly value our material gain over those we profess to “love”?
So if it’s not because the item is rare, and it’s not because it’s a favorite, then what? Is it the cost? If I have trouble selling these items for 1/4 of the price I purchased them for (I don’t even want to think what that might total financially), what makes me think I will have such a tough time getting it for that price (or better) if I decide I need it again? I won’t be out a lot. In the past I have donated a lot of things on Freecycle and now, I can think of only one item I wishes I hadn’t gotten rid of (a pretty black sweater).
So what am I afraid of, then? Success? If I’m digging myself out from under all this excess, the only way I can go is up! And I see no logical reason to fear success.
Criticism? The only person whose opinion matters to me is my husband’s and frankly, he is a good, supportive man who recognizes my goals and helps me along the way. Anyone else’s opinion is irrelevant.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I am not afraid anymore. How can I be? What do I have to fear?
What are you afraid of? I would love to hear your thoughts!
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